Speaker of the Clown Convention
Squeaky red nose!!
In this week’s handle with care, Prince Harry dgaf, plus, we’re getting a new Miley Cyrus album!!! Happy new year!!
What would the first week of January be nowadays without something bananas happening in the U.S. Capitol? The new members of Congress elected back in November were supposed to be sworn into office on Tuesday, but it took *checks calendar* four days and a few hours into a fifth day to elect a new Speaker of the House. 15 total votes!!! It typically takes one vote.
Republicans won a narrow majority in the November 2022 election, giving way for Rep. Kevin McCarthy to win the position. Defectors within his own party — the “Never Kevin” faction — stalled the vote, while every Democrat voted for their respective nominee, Rep. Hakeem Jeffries.
I was unfortunately watching C-SPAN like it was an episode of Veep. It had everything: McCarthy prematurely moving his belongings into the Speaker office one day before the vote, getting pizzas wheeled into his office after the first day of voting, and confronting Rep. Matt Gaetz on the House floor, which almost led to a confrontation.
After the fourteenth vote, members of the house were voting to adjourn for the night after Republicans motioned for it. Very quickly after, they changed their minds and started chanting, “One more time!”
McCarthy eventually got what he wanted, and proceeded to make numerous awkward jokes about how long it took during his first speech as Speaker of the House. If he really wanted to make people laugh, he should’ve dropped the gavel or something. A very unproductive and unserious week in the United States government!
Football is So Dangerous
24-year-old Buffalo Bills player Damar Hamlin suffered a cardiac arrest in the middle of a football game on Tuesday. After a tackle, he stood up and took a couple of steps before collapsing on the field. First responders performed CPR immediately before taking him to a local hospital in an ambulance with a breathing tube.
The scene angered many because of the NFL’s lack of compassion for the players. The game was temporarily suspended shortly after the incident occurred, and officially postponed later that evening.
As for Hamlin, his health is improving; his breathing tube was removed, and his “neurological condition and function is intact.” Hamlin and his medical team were honored during today’s game against the Patriots.
New Year, New Miley
Miley Cyrus announced her eighth studio album, Endless Summer Vacation. It is set to be released on March 10, and is said to be a “love letter to L.A.” The lead single, “Flowers,” will be released on Friday.
I don’t have an heir to spare
Prince Harry’s upcoming memoir Spare was released early in Spain, and it’s already making multiple headlines. The Guardian revealed that Prince Harry wrote about a physical altercation between him and Prince William, after William called Meghan Markle, “difficult,” “rude,” and “abrasive.”
Harry says that William, “grabbed me by the collar, ripping my necklace, and… knocked me to the floor. I landed on the dog’s bowl, which cracked under my back, the pieces cutting into me.”
As the book is being translated by reporters to English, its most shocking contents are slowly being published. As of now, we know that Prince Harry took cocaine as a teen, magic mushrooms at Courteney Cox’s house, William and Kate convinced him to wear the Nazi uniform, and that he killed 25 members of the Taliban while he was in the British Army, and that he watched Markle’s sex scenes from her show Suits. I think I need to read this book!
The Oscars shortlist
This is technically old news, but I never discussed it because of the holidays. The Academy released their shortlists for ten categories ahead of nominations, which will be announced on Jan. 24. There were a few notable inclusions and snubs that I wanted to point out.
The original song category included Rihanna’s song “Lift Me Up” from Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, Selena Gomez’s “My Mind & Me” from her documentary of the same name, Lady Gaga’s “Hold My Hand” from Top Gun: Maverick, and Taylor Swift’s “Carolina” from Where The Crawdads Sing. A potential pop girl showdown! I was shocked and a little appalled to see no love for Billie Eilish and FINNEAS’ song “Nobody Like U” from Turning Red!!! These voting bodies don't appreciate a carefully crafted boyband anthem, that’s why One Direction never won a GRAMMY.
Swift was snubbed for the live action short film category after major campaigning. Swifties remain optimistic because she could still get her first Oscar nomination in the song category. For visual effects, Everything Everywhere All At Once was snubbed. I finally watched it last night, so I’m angry about it today!
Happy 2023!! I’m having a nice start to the year so far, and I hope you all are too. Today, I’m going to watch the season premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Thanks for reading!!
